Need a Little Encouragement

Today I need a little support, a little encouragement, a little reassurance... I came down with the H1N1 Flu on Monday and have been in bed ever since. Today is the first day that I don't feel like I've been hit by a big truck and rather just by a mid-size sedan. That, however, isn't why I need the encouragement. As you know, this
Flu is incredibly contageous and if you have it, you're advised to isolate yourself until 24 hours after your fever comes down. This means that I haven't so much as left my bedroom since Monday, and it is now Friday afternoon. This also means that my loving and caring husband has been sleeping on the couch all week, and that I haven't even seen my sweet little boy, much less held him or hugged him or kissed his soft little head. I can't tell you how many times this week I have anticipated waking him up in the morning and feeling his tiny little arms wrap around my neck as he hugs me and nuzzles his soft head into my neck. I have been hopeful so many times that my fever was gone and that in a mere 24 hours I could hold him again. I haven't even let him know that I was home, because he would want to be with me and he can't. He doesn't even know I'm here. It could be a lot worse. It could be him that is sick, or both of us, or even worse, all three of us. I know that keeping myself quarantined in the bedroom is the smartest and most responsible thing to do - even the most caring. I do not want him to get this awful flu. That would be more heartbreaking than not seeing him for a week. But not seeing him is killing me. I don't hear much crying, it's mostly giggling and talking between Gavin and Cliff. Cliff has amazed me with his unwavering affection for Gavin and his incredible parenting. He plays with Gavin near the bedroom so I can hear him giggling. I can hear them chasing eachother around on their knees and playing games. I even heard storytime yesterday morning. Gavin has cried at bedtime the last few nights and Cliff has comforted him as much as he can. Of course, I think Gavin is crying because he realizes he's going to bed again without seeing me and that makes me cry too.

It's been over 24 hours since I had a fever. I was so anxious to play with Gavin again, I even thought I'd go get him early from daycare. But, Cliff suggested that I wait to see him until tomorrow morning, just to be extra safe. He's right. There would be little worse than Gavin now getting sick. Except I don't know if my heart can take it. I realize there are parents out there who go through much harder tests, much worse issues. This is really petty. I know that Gavin is fine. He's well and healthy and happy. This is really about me. I miss him so much and just want to hold him. Wish me the strength to wait until tomorrow to see him. I need it!