Wednesday, September 9, 2015

School has started. Some people love the start of the school year as it brings them back to routine, to schedules and plans and normalcy. Some people dread the start of the school year as it signals the end of the precious and limited "family time" that they so enjoyed over the summer. To some it brings sadness, some fear, some relief.

I'm not 100% clear on how it makes me feel. I feel a little excited for Gavin as he enters first grade and gets to know his new teacher a bit better, has the opportunity to develop new friendships with kids who were not in his class last year and further develop his existing friendships. He will begin reading again - we failed miserably at keeping up the reading this summer. That is all very exciting. 

At the same time, it's a reminder that we are another year closer to the kids becoming more independent and although I know this is the ultimate goal in raising children, I really struggle with the distant thought of them not being in my house, not needing me, not climbing into my bed each morning. I have a real fear of losing my sense of purpose, my reason to get up out of bed each day. 

On another plane, although the school year (really it's just the winter months) seem to be so chaotic and feel as though we are driving recklessly around a racetrack just trying to get to the finish line (the weekend) so we can breathe, I do crave the routine just a little. I love plans, checklists, being prepared. I love getting lunch bags and backpacks packed the night before and hung neatly by the front door. I love setting out clothes for the kids and laying them out with socks and underwear all ready to go. I love putting their shoes and coats by the door and having a breakfast plan and getting everyone out the door with a hot fresh cup of coffee in my hand. I love having a reason to get the kids in bed by 8:00 and I love that the kids aren't in the house everyday making lovely little messes (bless their messy, beautiful little souls!)  If I clean the house one evening, it's still clean when I come home from work the next day.

I wasn't nearly as anxious, sad, nervous, emotional WRECK, as I was last year or even the previous two years. I know Gavin is just starting first grade, but he has already attended three years of school - Preschool, Pre-k (4k), and Kindergarten. However, even though we was an ace with the whole school thing by last year, it was the first year this little heartbreaker rode the school bus, and man oh man, was that ever hard on me!  This year though, is his third year at this school, his second year of riding the school bus, and now he not only has one grade of kids younger than him at school, but two whole grades of kids younger than him, so that is fun that sometimes he IS the big kid on the block.

He sure is growing into a kind, smart, funny, witty, gentle, compassionate little man right before my eyes.

Not even the slightest hesitation as he boarded the school bus this year. Of course, he missed the first day of school because he was home with a stomach bug, but he was ready to go on day 2. 

...and the little lady of the house? I'll have to share about her tomorrow. Wow. 2 going on 15! 

1 comment:

Big Sis said...

I think know how you feel and it feels exactly the same way when they are heading off to college. Such exciting times and new things ahead. Life!