Still here...

Wow, I know, I suck at blogging lately. Really, really suck at it. As my Mom reads this she is saying a prayer for me because I am saying suck and I normally try to speak more respectfully and use words that are universally acceptable, but stink just wouldn't do justice to how incredibly terrible I've been at blogging.

I won't make any excuses. I am just busy and tired. I know. Seriously, I work two days a week and I have one child. No school, no second or third job, no volunteering at church or school or in the community really even. Just whatever work I somehow manage to fill my days with. Seriously? What do people with more than one child, more than one job, school, and volunteer work do???? How on earth do they do it all?

My house is never truly clean or picked up. I have lots of messes. Some are relatively well hidden. I have several "Monica's Closets" (in reference to the episode of Friends where Chandler discovers that neat-freak Monica has a secret closet that is a complete disaster). Only one of my closets is truly a Monica's Closet and that is my bedroom closet (Sorry Steph!), but I have drawers and cupboards that would also qualify. My mudroom is a bit of a Monica's Closet in itself, but it's no secret. It's just the place where we pile things. The place where things just don't often get sorted out and put away. Let's not even get into my basement or garage... or the shed. Good gracious, the shed! The shed that requires a half an hour of moving and rearranging just to get the lawnmower out. Oh, my brain is hurting thinking about it.

So, how do these people who have five times the commitments that I have manage to keep their lives and homes completely in order? How do they make it out of the house each day without snot on their sleeves or dog hair on their butts, with cars that look like they've just been waxed and don't have an entire bottle of gatorade spilled on the floor of them and a console that is a conglomeration of coins, bobby pins, and last week's iced coffee all congealed together? How do they manage to get to choir practice, Moms groups, 4-H meetings, night classes, and the gym each week... or EVER for that matter?

I DON'T KNOW!

and I've sort of decided that I don't care. I think I'm doing the best I can do. It's so easy to feel inadequate when you start comparing yourself to others, but I know that the truth is that everyone has battles. I know that everyone has different priorities and that most people do have some type of Monica's Closet in their lives, but they just don't typically share it. Right? Am I right? Please agree with me.

Here are a few things I know...

Occasionally, I am sure that my family inadvertently eats some dog and cat hair.
I also know that we love our pets and wouldn't trade them for spotless floors.

I know that I should volunteer more, go to church more, join a choir, join a mom's group, exercise, and sign up for some college courses. It would make me feel good.
But I can't honestly find an evening or day I am willing to "give up" to do any of those things. I already feel like my time is precious and limited.

I know that I tuck Gavin in bed many nights with filthy dirty feet and a sweaty stinky head.
But it's not going to hurt him to go to bed without smelling like lavender and vanilla and all things nice.

I lose my patience with Gavin more often than I should, but I believe I am getting better about it. I am making a concious effort to keep in mind that he is the child and I am the adult and his life is really and truly in my hands. If he's acting up, it's most likely because I have put him in a situation that is challenging him and is not in his control. He is most likely hungry, tired, frustrated or overstimulated and although he does need to learn how to cope in these situations, he needs my understanding and my guidance to learn.

I know that my curtains haven't been washed since they were hung a year and a half ago.
That's okay because we're not eating off of them and they do still manage to block the sun when we need it... maybe even better because they have a thick layer of dust on them??

I dust the surfaces in my house about twice a year. Get over it.

I vaccuum a lot. We have hardwood floors and dust is always visible, so I vaccuum and vaccuum and vaccuum and there is still dust visible, but I am thankful that we don't have carpet because I know the dust would still be there and it would just be trapped in the carpet.

I take my husband for granted every day. I love him and I respect him and I appreciate him when I really think about it. But in the day to day, I take him for granted. He is kind and hard-working and smart and patient and generous 90% of the time. But I often let the 10% of the time that he is not all those things be what I focus on. I let it weigh twice as much as the other time. I let it get to me. I get irritated over little things like dirty socks being left inside-out in the laundry so I have to put my hand in stinky stiff dirty socks to turn them right side out before tossing them into the washer. I need to make an effort to write down the things I do appreciate about him. It's a lot.

Lastly, I know that I should have time to do more, to create more, to blog more... but I just don't right now. I can't say why. I sit down to blog at night, when the day has finally slowed down... and I am just too tired I think.

So... I do have lots to share! I have photos to share, stories to share, thoughts and hopes and ideas too... and I think that some day I will. But tonight, I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow is another day!

Good night!